Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
A Training Ground for Church Leaders
How we train our children can have an effect for the next four generations. We must ask ourselves, are we training our children to love their church, to love its people, to love the Word, and to communicate what they know. If they don't then there is no way that they are going to be able to communicate it to their families.If our children learn these things while they are young they will be a step ahead of our generation who has grown up not really understanding our place in the church and how it should effect every part of our lives.
I have often thought and prayed for my daughters adult life but have not really thought about it in relation to the church. Is there going to be another generation of my family involved in the life of our church? In a very real way we are all training the church body of the future. Will they understand the Means of Grace? That God actually feeds us spiritually through the preaching of the Word and the Sacraments. I look forward to the day when our grandchildren are excited to come to church, even on Sunday nights because they are hungry to be fed.
QUESTION: Where is the church told to look for its leaders?
ANSWER: The church is instructed to look for its leaders in the first institution, the family.
1 Peter 5:1-3 1So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: 2 shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; 3 not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock.
We may or may not be raising our children to be pastors but we are training boys and girls to be men and women who fear the Lord and lead their families to do the same.
The Ministry of Marriage in Cultural Wasteland
As I read chapter 2 and 3, I have to admit, my heart sang! I knew that I had bought the lie the culture fed me as a teen about children being a curse, not a blessing, and by the grace of God, the lie was exposed to replace it with the truth of the blessing and heritage of children to Karlie and Blake. Even though the culture tried to lie to me about marriage, I had real life experience of marrying young on my side. While it was warped with the childless selfish years, it still was a blessing that people couldn't convince me otherwise. It's where the Lord grew me up. For years I have encouraged Karlie and Blake to look to marry young and for some time now have even been saying, marry young (of course, according to the Word) and fill your quivers with blessings! How exciting to be able to watch the Lord raise up a generation of children imbued with truth! After watching a TV series about a Christian family raising 18 children of their own, Blake told me the other day that he'd like to maybe not have that many, but that 10 sounded like a good size. Ten?! Wow, what the Lord is doing! I am so thankful for this book to be giving us such wonderful biblical principles to guide us as we guide our children into the ministry of marriage. I really enjoyed the whole concept of marriage being a ministry. I'm going to be encouraging the youth in my life to get this book and consider the ministry of marriage!
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
J's anticipated comments
Well, here I am, my first posting as well. I too am liking the book very much and enjoyed reading it (at least getting started) with Cari and talking through some of the points.
My comment on the statistics regarding the descendants of Edwards is that while the author is clearly contrasting these stats to his own family to try to illustrate the difference a father makes, he falls into the trap of defining (at least showing) success in the ways the world would, such as becoming lawyers, doctors, politicians, etc. It would be much better if an illustration could be made saying 50 descendants were priests to their family, 75 protectors, etc. I do realize this is difficult due to those attributes being more subjective, but it should be said that just because you are a doctor it does not make you a person who is clearly devoted to Christ and your family (which is a key goal).
Happy reading,
J
My comment on the statistics regarding the descendants of Edwards is that while the author is clearly contrasting these stats to his own family to try to illustrate the difference a father makes, he falls into the trap of defining (at least showing) success in the ways the world would, such as becoming lawyers, doctors, politicians, etc. It would be much better if an illustration could be made saying 50 descendants were priests to their family, 75 protectors, etc. I do realize this is difficult due to those attributes being more subjective, but it should be said that just because you are a doctor it does not make you a person who is clearly devoted to Christ and your family (which is a key goal).
Happy reading,
J
Chapter 1 Response
J and I read Chapter 1 together last night. This is going to be a very thought-provoking book; we came face to face with ideas and thoughts that we have had at the back of our minds, but not really discussed yet. For instance, the fact that we must take our responsiblity seriously in helping our daughters (and sons) find suitable mates. To quote the book, "We must walk with our daughters through this process of finding a suitable husband. We must also actively protect our daughters from men who do not measure up to God's standard" (pp. 14-15). It is as simple as that - it isn't our standard; it is God's, and we must be sober-minded when coming alongside our children in helping them evaluate potential suitors.
I agree with Laurie's comments regarding the qualifications of a husband: Not only must he be a Christian, but it matters what kind of Christian he is. Is he reformed? Does he take his walk with the Lord seriously? Is his relationship with the Lord of the utmost importance? Does he attend Church as much as he possibly can? Is he committed to the Lord and his family, no matter what it takes? Is he willing to deny himself for the sake of the Lord and his family? There are so many questions to consider when evaluating potential suitors. I appreciate Voddie's statement that it is our responsiblity as parents to teach our children what the requirements are in looking for a God-honoring spouse, and to encourage them not to settle for less than God's best for them (pp. 17-18).
In the beginning of the chapter, the book states that we all know deep down that God is the author of marriage, and understand that marriage is sacred (p. 14). Voddie also states that, "A young man who is worthy of a wife will have a clear understanding of the covenantal nature of marriage. He will also have a healthy apprehension when he thinks about the magnitude of his responsibility should he assume the role of a husband and father" (p. 23). How true! Marriage "is the most life-altering decision [our children] will make apart from coming to repentance and faith in Christ." Wow! That alone is enough to cause us, as Christian parents, to do our very best to ensure that our children enter into the sacredness of marriage with the knowledge that it is a coventantal commitment, one that is ordained by God, one in which their choice in mates matters for life. J and I have been frequently praying for our children's future spouses, but this book has reminded me that we must be more serious and diligent in our prayers. This is not to be taken lightly.
J has an interesting comment about the descendents of Jonathon Edwards, which I found very insightful and revealing as to our own culture saturation. I will let him blog it, though.
I, too, really liked the analogy of being shade-tree planters. Voddie says that he has since used the illustration to his children many, many times: "Kids, you must seek to become the kind of people who plant shade trees for others to sit under....We constantly talk about living our lives in such a way that we plant spiritual shade trees for the benefit of others...life is about more than the here and now" (p. 16). That says it all! We not only are helping our own children in finding suitable mates, but we are also planting seeds for future generations. That is another Wow! That is J's and my prayer: to leave a legacy that is God-honoring and God-glorifying, and I know that is true for all of you as well.
I apologize for the long length of my post. This is my first time posting anything, and I got a little excited! I also am quite wordy in my writing, so please bear with me.
To God be all glory!
I agree with Laurie's comments regarding the qualifications of a husband: Not only must he be a Christian, but it matters what kind of Christian he is. Is he reformed? Does he take his walk with the Lord seriously? Is his relationship with the Lord of the utmost importance? Does he attend Church as much as he possibly can? Is he committed to the Lord and his family, no matter what it takes? Is he willing to deny himself for the sake of the Lord and his family? There are so many questions to consider when evaluating potential suitors. I appreciate Voddie's statement that it is our responsiblity as parents to teach our children what the requirements are in looking for a God-honoring spouse, and to encourage them not to settle for less than God's best for them (pp. 17-18).
In the beginning of the chapter, the book states that we all know deep down that God is the author of marriage, and understand that marriage is sacred (p. 14). Voddie also states that, "A young man who is worthy of a wife will have a clear understanding of the covenantal nature of marriage. He will also have a healthy apprehension when he thinks about the magnitude of his responsibility should he assume the role of a husband and father" (p. 23). How true! Marriage "is the most life-altering decision [our children] will make apart from coming to repentance and faith in Christ." Wow! That alone is enough to cause us, as Christian parents, to do our very best to ensure that our children enter into the sacredness of marriage with the knowledge that it is a coventantal commitment, one that is ordained by God, one in which their choice in mates matters for life. J and I have been frequently praying for our children's future spouses, but this book has reminded me that we must be more serious and diligent in our prayers. This is not to be taken lightly.
J has an interesting comment about the descendents of Jonathon Edwards, which I found very insightful and revealing as to our own culture saturation. I will let him blog it, though.
I, too, really liked the analogy of being shade-tree planters. Voddie says that he has since used the illustration to his children many, many times: "Kids, you must seek to become the kind of people who plant shade trees for others to sit under....We constantly talk about living our lives in such a way that we plant spiritual shade trees for the benefit of others...life is about more than the here and now" (p. 16). That says it all! We not only are helping our own children in finding suitable mates, but we are also planting seeds for future generations. That is another Wow! That is J's and my prayer: to leave a legacy that is God-honoring and God-glorifying, and I know that is true for all of you as well.
I apologize for the long length of my post. This is my first time posting anything, and I got a little excited! I also am quite wordy in my writing, so please bear with me.
To God be all glory!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Pressing On
As I watched the "Fiddler on the Roof" clip, I was struck by how culture has so molded my thinking. The last time I watched the movie, instead of being heartbroken for the father watching his daughter leave all she had been taught for her own desires, I was heartbroken for the daughter not being supported by her father. Now my heart grieved with the father as I put myself in his place. I am thankful that the Lord is continually reforming my mind and that He has a merciful, multigenerational plan that He is in the process of revealing to us all.
Reading over the basic requirements of a Christian husband I was reminded of the many conversations I have had with Karlie and Blake concerning what being "equally yoked" in marriage should be. It's not just marrying a "Christian", but a strong Christian (think of a baby calf and an ox being yoked together versus two mature oxen). It's not just marrying any "Christian" (eg. Arminian), but one that holds to the tenets of orthodox Christianity (i.e. Calvinism). We spoke of how difficult it would be to either lead as a husband or submit as a wife, with a spouse that held such different views of biblical doctrine. They both want to home school their children, so they realize that must be the heart of their future spouses as well. Some people have commented to me that my children will probably never marry then. What a low view of the God we serve. I see the Lord raising up a generation for His glory! Nothing is impossible for Him! We must forget what is past, and press on to the goal.
Reading over the basic requirements of a Christian husband I was reminded of the many conversations I have had with Karlie and Blake concerning what being "equally yoked" in marriage should be. It's not just marrying a "Christian", but a strong Christian (think of a baby calf and an ox being yoked together versus two mature oxen). It's not just marrying any "Christian" (eg. Arminian), but one that holds to the tenets of orthodox Christianity (i.e. Calvinism). We spoke of how difficult it would be to either lead as a husband or submit as a wife, with a spouse that held such different views of biblical doctrine. They both want to home school their children, so they realize that must be the heart of their future spouses as well. Some people have commented to me that my children will probably never marry then. What a low view of the God we serve. I see the Lord raising up a generation for His glory! Nothing is impossible for Him! We must forget what is past, and press on to the goal.
Friday, May 1, 2009
A Multigenerational Object Lesson
I love Voddie's example of shade trees, "Kids, you must seek to become the kind of people who plant shade trees for others to sit under." Much too often I want the shade now, which is quite a selfish concept. Instead I/we need to embrace the fact that somebody needs to plant those trees, the trees that generations of people will sit under for years to come. I'm the type of person that loves the perfect manicured yard but hates all the work the that it takes to get it there. But to have a multigenterational vision I need to keep the weeds pulled, mow my lawn, and plant those trees for future generations to come. Familia Semper Reformanda,
Jason
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Plodding Along
We all have regrets, even those of us brought into our childrens' lives after the suffering of divorce. I so agree with Jason and Wendy's words but couldn't have expressed it so clearly. I have to say, I'll never forget when Jason made the statement "always reforming" to me. I didn't get it and in fact was worried. I thought "Wait a minute, God is the same yesterday, today and forever. Don't tell me this reformed theology changes with cultures/generations!" Little did I realize...how much I still have to learn...but I am thankful I can always reform.
One of the ways my thinking has been challenged this last year is by asking this question, "How do we teach our bodies gratitude? My first thought I knew was wrong but it was "By denying it things." What I thought of was one important principle I was taught as a child that I have tried to pass on to my family. "Do the hard stuff and leave the easy for last." How I interpreted that saying was "Do the stuff you don't like first, then do the stuff you want." The problem with this statement is when you are given more responsibility and freedom, you don't always have to do the stuff you don't want to do first. You may never do it, i.e. exercise. How should we answer that question? How do we teach our bodies gratitude? By denying it things that will hurt it. In other words, doing what is good for the body or DISCIPLINE. I am glad my mind is reforming.
Now what does this have to do with this book? This is going to S-T-R-E-T-C-H our minds, which is about the last thing I want to do. But I want my thinking to continue to reform and my understanding to be richer so living a life of gratitude will be more evident in all I say and do. Then maybe the Lord will use my life to help break this chain of divorce, in the family in which I married, with the children I am helping raise.
Ginger
One of the ways my thinking has been challenged this last year is by asking this question, "How do we teach our bodies gratitude? My first thought I knew was wrong but it was "By denying it things." What I thought of was one important principle I was taught as a child that I have tried to pass on to my family. "Do the hard stuff and leave the easy for last." How I interpreted that saying was "Do the stuff you don't like first, then do the stuff you want." The problem with this statement is when you are given more responsibility and freedom, you don't always have to do the stuff you don't want to do first. You may never do it, i.e. exercise. How should we answer that question? How do we teach our bodies gratitude? By denying it things that will hurt it. In other words, doing what is good for the body or DISCIPLINE. I am glad my mind is reforming.
Now what does this have to do with this book? This is going to S-T-R-E-T-C-H our minds, which is about the last thing I want to do. But I want my thinking to continue to reform and my understanding to be richer so living a life of gratitude will be more evident in all I say and do. Then maybe the Lord will use my life to help break this chain of divorce, in the family in which I married, with the children I am helping raise.
Ginger
Multigenerational Vision
her father, at least when they come to marriage. You see, he has lived his life thinking that a young man will someday ask permission for Hodels hand in marriage and she will ask for his consent and this doesn't happen. When Tevye denies permission Hodel informs her father that they are not asking permission, they are just asking for his blessing. As you can imagine, this rocks Tevyes world.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Great introduction. I love how the Lord doesn't allow us to become comfortable where we are in life for very long. The idea of always reforming is so good. Sanctification. It makes us rely on God's grace than our striving. I think we all have regrets about how we have not taken the incredibly important job of parenting as seriously as we need to. It is so easy to settle for "OK", when the Lord has so much more. I loved the definition in the book of reform: to remove its ineffective and unjust qualities. Jason, like you were saying about all the Christian books on parenting advice, ineffective and at times even unjust. We have gotten so far away from God's definition of biblical manhood and womanhood. So far away. I am so looking forward to reading and discussing this book with you all and I hope the Lord will use this book and even us to spark family reformation in the lives we come in contact with. Keep reading!!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Rivival and Reformation
Join with me in praying for the visible church and more specifically our church, that we would be awakened and revived as we sit under the preaching of the Gospel. That God would administer grace to us to make us strong as we endeavor to glorify Him with our whole lives and as we teach our children to do the same. And as this happens that we would continue to reform our practices no matter what our culture continues to communicate to us.
A slogan coming out of the reformation was semper reformanda, Latin for always reforming. The idea being that the church must always be reforming, continually aiming to be more conformed to the Word of God. You see, unless perfection has already been achieved and there is no more room for sanctification, then we need to continue to strive and conform ourselves to the Word of God. With that said the same is true for our families, we need to constantly conform the way that we lead our families to the Word of God.
A slogan coming out of the reformation was semper reformanda, Latin for always reforming. The idea being that the church must always be reforming, continually aiming to be more conformed to the Word of God. You see, unless perfection has already been achieved and there is no more room for sanctification, then we need to continue to strive and conform ourselves to the Word of God. With that said the same is true for our families, we need to constantly conform the way that we lead our families to the Word of God.
Familia Semper Reformanda,
(Families Always Reforming)
Jason
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Regret and Repentance
The introduction of this book personally cut deep into my heart. I know first hand what it means to regret. Unlike most of you I have two grown children and a failed marriage that reminds me constantly that I must not take my responsibilities as a husband and father too lightly. As a young Christian I bought into the lie (hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray) of the moralistic, therapeutic, feel good Christianity. I was promised by Christian authors that if I followed all the directions of their books, I would be a successful father and husband which would lead to a perfect family and as a result I would be happy, as if happiness is the real goal in life. I now realize that none of those authors even dared to rebuke me, telling me that I needed to repent. Maybe it is because telling people that they need to live a life of repentance doesn't sell books, or maybe the authors really didn't understand the Gospel. But instead of bitterness, I now have peace and can rejoice.
ROMANS 5:1-5 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Familia Semper Reformanda,
Jason
ROMANS 5:1-5 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Familia Semper Reformanda,
Jason
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Miscellaneous Ramblings
Everyone has their book ordered and we should be ready to start reading together the last week of April.If possible, you may want to consider reading the book as a family, the sections that I have skimmed so far seem to be appropriate for our children to hear and definitely would be worthy of family discussion.
If you have not responded to the blog invite, please do so. This way we will be able to all communicate on the blog. Basically once you have accepted the invite you can make posts. Just SIGN IN at the top of the page and then select the NEW POST button.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
What is Cornerstone Book Club?
Cornerstone Book Club is a group of Cornerstone Christian Church congregants that love to read. But not only love to read but to converse with other like-minded individuals about what they have read. The purpose is to engage in a healthy dialog that challenges us all to think deeper of the things of God for His Glory.
Monday, April 13, 2009
What He Must Be: ...If He Wants to Marry My Daughter
All parents want their daughters to marry godly young men. But which qualities, specifically, should they be looking for?What will you say when that certain young man sits down in your living room, sweaty-palmed and tongue-tied, and asks your permission to marry your daughter? What criteria should he meet before the two of them join together for life? What He Must Be… If He Wants to Marry My Daughter outlines ten qualities parents should look for in a son-in-law, including trustworthiness, a willingness to lead his family, an understanding of his wife’s role, and various spiritual leadership qualities.
Author Voddie Baucham follows up on his popular book Family Driven Faith with this compelling apologetic of biblical manhood. By studying the principles outlined in his book, parents who want their daughter to marry a godly man—as well as those who want their sons to become godly men—will be well equipped to help their children look for and develop these God-honoring qualities.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
The Plan
I know you all live busy lives and don't have time for another meeting or group study. The thing is, we all have time to read. So let's read the same book together slowly but individually and discuss what we have read so we can challenge each other to grow in the knowledge of God. The book that I would like to read is What He Must Be... if he wants to marry my daughter by Voddie Baughman Jr.. This is an easy yet profound book to read, not like Institutes of Christian Religion which is profound but laborious. Instead of reading a chapter a day, you will need to read one easy chapter each week. I feel that this will be beneficial to us all because we all have sons and/or daughters and I know that we have the same concerns raising our children in the interesting culture that we live in today.
Okay here is the plan:
FIRST - Purchase the book. I have found a few different retailers that you can order the book from online and they are listed on the right of this page.
SECOND - Commit to reading one chapter a week for 12 weeks and post your thoughts and questions on this blog.
THIRD - Check the blog a few times a week and respond to other peoples comments, the object is to dialog.
FOURTH - Plan on gathering with the group for a meal and final discussion once the book is completely read.
Here is how the book is laid out:
Chapter 1: Mutigenerational Vision
Chapter 2: The Ministry of Marrage
Chapter 3: A Fathers Role
Chapter 4: He Must Be a Follower of Christ
Chapter 5: He Must Be Prepared to Lead
Chapter 6: He Must Lead Like Christ
Chapter 7: He Must Be Committed to Children
Chapter 8: He Must Be a Protector
Chapter 9: Don't Send a Woman to do a Man's Job
Chapter 10: Can't Find One... Build One
How can we pass up a book with chapter titles like this? Join me in trying to be countercultural in raising children.
Okay here is the plan:
FIRST - Purchase the book. I have found a few different retailers that you can order the book from online and they are listed on the right of this page.
SECOND - Commit to reading one chapter a week for 12 weeks and post your thoughts and questions on this blog.
THIRD - Check the blog a few times a week and respond to other peoples comments, the object is to dialog.
FOURTH - Plan on gathering with the group for a meal and final discussion once the book is completely read.
Here is how the book is laid out:
Chapter 1: Mutigenerational Vision
Chapter 2: The Ministry of Marrage
Chapter 3: A Fathers Role
Chapter 4: He Must Be a Follower of Christ
Chapter 5: He Must Be Prepared to Lead
Chapter 6: He Must Lead Like Christ
Chapter 7: He Must Be Committed to Children
Chapter 8: He Must Be a Protector
Chapter 9: Don't Send a Woman to do a Man's Job
Chapter 10: Can't Find One... Build One
How can we pass up a book with chapter titles like this? Join me in trying to be countercultural in raising children.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Amazon.com - Customer Reviews
The world we live in and the way we live in it demands change from Christian parents. Not just tinkering around the edges, but radical, wholesale change to the way we approach parenting. Most, and I say that with full assurance, books on "Christian" parenting are of minimal use, if any, because they see Christian parenting as little different than non-Christian parenting. We raise our kids in the same way, with the same methods and (tragically) with the same expectations, just with a little bit of youth group thrown in. Why then are we surprised when we get the same terrible results?
For example. Think about how much time parents spend on planning for their kids. Planning to have them at a convenient time. Setting up college funds. In some places, getting an as yet unborn child on a waiting list for the premier daycare or preschools. Setting up schedules for the ever increasing number of activities that kids are involved in from piano lessons to sports. Planning intricate and expensive family vacations. Picking a church based on the youth program. Detailed examinations of colleges to make sure that little Susie or Bobbie get in just the right college so that they can get a "good job". But what about the most important decision they will make? There is nothing that will have a greater impact on the bulk of our children's lives than who they marry, and yet for so many parents that is not even on the radar, nor is it viewed as something that parents need to be actively involved in. Just raise `em the best we can and send `em out and hope for the best!
That is the impetus behind Voddie Baucham's new book "What he must be...if he wants to marry my daughter". It is high time that the people of God turn to the Word of God to see how to raise the gift of God that we have received in our children. This is not a book, as I am sure it will be caricatured by many, on arranged marriages or domineering patriarchy. It is a book that calls on Christian parents to take an active and intentional role in raising up our kids to seek the right kind of spouse and being deeply engaged in that process. It is also not just about helping our daughters marry godly young men, it is also about helping our sons become the godly men that Christian young women should desire to marry. This is, despite the title, not just a book for parents of young women. I would heartily recommend this book to parents who have just sons, married couples who don't have kids yet, couples thinking about getting married, single adult women and men, teenaged girls and boys alike. I fully intend to have my girls read this book and then talk about it with them, because I can say with confidence that if they seek out a spouse in the manner and with the characteristics that Voddie lays out, they are far more likely to have a sustainable, happy and Biblical marriage. That is far more important to me than them "marrying well", which means marrying a doctor or finding "Mr. Right".
The chapters raise issues that will seem completely foreign to many parents. Our daughters should seek a young man who is committed to children? Huh? They should seek a young man who is a Christian, and not just a "church member" but someone who has a grasp of the Bible, is daily seeking God's will in His Word, someone who is committed first and foremost to Christ. Have you ever thought about meeting a potential suitor for your daughter and engaging them in a discussion of theology to see if they really are in the Word or just going through the motions? In one of the chapters that will cause people to freak out, we should teach our daughters to seek young men who understand and embrace patriarchal male headship. What!? Yes indeed! When we teach our young women a watered down feminism that sees radical egalitarianism in family life as the "enlightened" model that they should seek, is it any wonder that they marry poorly and have families that are not run in a Biblical manner?
One thing that is clear in reading this book: it is unlike most of the books on marriage, parenting, courtship, families, etc. that you will find filling the bookshelves of "Christian" bookstores. Having perused a few of those books, and having seen first hand the effect those books have on the church, I can say that you are far better off pitching 99% of them in the trash. It is not hyperbole to say that this is one of the best, one of the most vital books on Christian parenting to come along in recent years (or even decades).
For example. Think about how much time parents spend on planning for their kids. Planning to have them at a convenient time. Setting up college funds. In some places, getting an as yet unborn child on a waiting list for the premier daycare or preschools. Setting up schedules for the ever increasing number of activities that kids are involved in from piano lessons to sports. Planning intricate and expensive family vacations. Picking a church based on the youth program. Detailed examinations of colleges to make sure that little Susie or Bobbie get in just the right college so that they can get a "good job". But what about the most important decision they will make? There is nothing that will have a greater impact on the bulk of our children's lives than who they marry, and yet for so many parents that is not even on the radar, nor is it viewed as something that parents need to be actively involved in. Just raise `em the best we can and send `em out and hope for the best!
That is the impetus behind Voddie Baucham's new book "What he must be...if he wants to marry my daughter". It is high time that the people of God turn to the Word of God to see how to raise the gift of God that we have received in our children. This is not a book, as I am sure it will be caricatured by many, on arranged marriages or domineering patriarchy. It is a book that calls on Christian parents to take an active and intentional role in raising up our kids to seek the right kind of spouse and being deeply engaged in that process. It is also not just about helping our daughters marry godly young men, it is also about helping our sons become the godly men that Christian young women should desire to marry. This is, despite the title, not just a book for parents of young women. I would heartily recommend this book to parents who have just sons, married couples who don't have kids yet, couples thinking about getting married, single adult women and men, teenaged girls and boys alike. I fully intend to have my girls read this book and then talk about it with them, because I can say with confidence that if they seek out a spouse in the manner and with the characteristics that Voddie lays out, they are far more likely to have a sustainable, happy and Biblical marriage. That is far more important to me than them "marrying well", which means marrying a doctor or finding "Mr. Right".
The chapters raise issues that will seem completely foreign to many parents. Our daughters should seek a young man who is committed to children? Huh? They should seek a young man who is a Christian, and not just a "church member" but someone who has a grasp of the Bible, is daily seeking God's will in His Word, someone who is committed first and foremost to Christ. Have you ever thought about meeting a potential suitor for your daughter and engaging them in a discussion of theology to see if they really are in the Word or just going through the motions? In one of the chapters that will cause people to freak out, we should teach our daughters to seek young men who understand and embrace patriarchal male headship. What!? Yes indeed! When we teach our young women a watered down feminism that sees radical egalitarianism in family life as the "enlightened" model that they should seek, is it any wonder that they marry poorly and have families that are not run in a Biblical manner?
One thing that is clear in reading this book: it is unlike most of the books on marriage, parenting, courtship, families, etc. that you will find filling the bookshelves of "Christian" bookstores. Having perused a few of those books, and having seen first hand the effect those books have on the church, I can say that you are far better off pitching 99% of them in the trash. It is not hyperbole to say that this is one of the best, one of the most vital books on Christian parenting to come along in recent years (or even decades).
I have said it before and I guarantee I will say again in future posts: weak families lead to weak churches. If you want to take a substantive step toward building a strong, Biblical, multigenerational family that will lead to strong, Biblical, multigenerational churches, the best thing you can do is read everything the Bible says about parenting and families. The very next step is to run, don't walk!, to your nearest bookstore or online retailer, get What he must be...if he wants to marry my daughter by Voddie Baucham, read it, read it again and buy a copy for a friend.
To see other Amazon.com reviews: CLICK HERE
To see other Amazon.com reviews: CLICK HERE
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